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Myself am hungry for insights from people regarding managing middle-aged struggles, including philosophical reflections, waning significance, noticing one’s neck akin to a surrealist painting along with a recent enthusiasm regarding sunny relocation programs. Recently, I read the chef’s comments regarding his fiftieth birthday in an interview: “I think if you’re going to have a good go at the second half of your life, you have to edit away all the noise,” he said. “Surround yourself with uplifting friends. I’m dodging pessimists – ‘fun sponges’ – and improving at refusing requests.”

Initially, I wondered: isn’t there a tension regarding shunning downbeat folks and mastering refusal? Doesn’t that mean he has to avoid himself? I get it – such remarks define us negative types, and yes, I’m one of them. Although in our community we actually prefer the expression “energy vampire”. Steer clear of labels like “killjoy” or “buzzkill” – equating us to mundane objects hurts; we do experience emotions (even if they’re mostly bleak). In a bind, I might tolerate “melancholy luxury blanket”.

Maybe you belong to this group as well. Are you less the life and soul of the party and more its accountant or undertaker? When you give an exhaustive answer to “How are you?”, does the other person slowly retreat? Do you greet “fun” activity suggestions with an expression that makes you look like you’ve swallowed a slug? Do you see yourself in gloomy figures; has a spiritual reader mentioned your vibe is murky?

If this describes you, you’re in our ranks, and that’s acceptable. Even as popular advice encourages cutting ties with “exhausting” pals, I believe we provide genuine benefits. It’s likely an energy vampire would have expressed doubts – or shown a grimace – upon hearing about the planned book with a First Nations lead done without input, possibly avoiding much trouble, distress, and disrespect. Such critical insights aren’t typical from “positive” friends.